Dammit, Tesla! We give you the obvious person for this shitty gig you legally need to fill ASAP, and then you turn around and pick the opposite kind of person?
You need someone to come into the chairman role, box Elon around the ears a bit, give him a burner Twitter account, figure out how to build a car company inside your car company and use his Wall Street Rolodex/finance fame to signal the market that TSLA is safe again. We give you Gary Cohn on a platter and you go with…
James Murdoch has become the favourite to succeed Elon Musk as the chairman of Tesla, which has to replace the electric carmaker’s founder in the role by the middle of next month.
Serious question, everyone at Tesla not named Elon Musk: Are you also fucking high? You’re going to fix Elon and your manufacturing by letting the guy who convinced his dad to invest in TheStreet.com, got into the record business in 1999, and who became the poster boy for media egos run amok during the 2011 phone hacking scandal, take the wheel here? Was it the fact that he’s the youngest son of the world’s most notorious and willful media mogul the thing that makes you think he can stand up to a guy like Elon? And if that’s a yes, we’re just going to assume that his total lack of experience with large-scale manufacturing the thing that made you believe he can fix your issues with large-scale manufacturing.
Seriously, Tesla board members, are you outside your minds?
“The Tesla chairman job is perfect for James,” said one person briefed on the conversations. “He’s working on this fund and will be sitting next to Elon . . . he’s going to get access to so much deal flow.”
You know what, even Gary Cohn is too reputationally clean and emotionally intact for your bullshit, and he’s GARY COHN!