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Jay Powell Adorably Thinks He’s The Man To Find Congressional Republicans’ Spine

Questioning John McCain’s heroism. Musing about nuking someone just because. Admitting to sexual assault on tape. Siding with Vladimir Putin over U.S. intelligence agencies. Threatening to fire Jeff Sessions. Threatening to fire Robert Mueller. All of these things have come out of the mouth of the president of the United States, and Congressional Republicans have responded to all of them with, at best, threats of their own that they quickly walked back, and usually shrugs before giddily toasting their success in the only two things they really care about: cutting taxes and building a Supreme Court that will do what they can’t to reinstate the 1950s. None of the quite possibly countless lies or effective admission of guilt to a host of felonies or dangerously erratic behavior exhibited by D...

Slacker SEC: Don’t Trip About Lower Fines Or Whatever

(Getty Images) We know that the SEC doesn’t feel much like doing anything these days. Now, we have the numbers to back it up. Enforcement fines fell to five-year low its last fiscal year, and the new regime’s pretty sure this year’s numbers will be even lower, once they get back from the beach and around to calculating them. And they can hear you not-so-silently judging them. But, like, amount of fine money collected as the sole arbiter of effective enforcement is just so narrow and constraining a way to look at things. Jay Clayton & co. aren’t bound by your rigid, inside-the-box ways of thinking, man. Also, it’s totally not their fault because the courts ate their homework and, like, other stuff. So lay off, man, and enjoy this Indian summer, which the folks at the SEC really hope str...

SEC To Offer Whistleblowers A Shiny Nickel

Enjoy!! By The original uploader was Hephaestos at English Wikipedia (Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons Let’s be honest here: Whistleblower claims are a real pain in the ass for the SEC. There are an awful lot of them, and they require an awful lot of work, and most of them go nowhere. Oh, and while we’re being honest, the SEC just doesn’t really feel like doing much work these days. I mean, summer’s sort of over but it’s still kinda hot and muggy, especially in D.C., and Thanksgiving’s only 64 days away, and then it’s basically already Christmas. So like, maybe lay off a bit? Also, the boss says “snitches end up in ditches” or whatever. So, sure, blow the whistle if you really want to, but don’t expect more than like, 50 bucks from us. Cool?...

Gary Cohn Mulled Over Becoming CEO Of Wells Fargo Because Something Inside Gary Cohn Has Broken And He Doesn’t Love Himself Enough To Fix It

On this day, we curse The Gods of Finance for giving Gary Cohn a brief moment of clarity and a sense of free will… Gary Cohn rebuffed overtures from Wells Fargo directors to be its next chief executive earlier this year, The Post has learned.Board members at the scandal-ridden bank had been pursuing the Wall street banker — who stepped down as President Trump’s top economic adviser in March — as they explored options to replace CEO Tim Sloan, four sources familiar with the talks told The Post. This never happening is a tragedy for us. Gary running out of the madhouse of Trump’s West Wing and directly into the burning building that is Wells Fargo would have been the greatest moment in Wall Street slapstick. Apparently, Gary was intrigued by the idea of running America’s fallen Jezebel bank,...

Brexit Still Impossible To Achieve, Both Sides Still Pretending It Isn’t

By EU2017EE Estonian Presidency (Theresa May) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons The European Union boasts 24 official languages. This may help explain how everyone has been talking past each other since June 23, 2016, when the U.K. voted to leave the European Union and created the hardest translation job in the history of the EU: how to say “Brexit” in a way explicable to everyone, when it is not even explicable by its own creators. Suffice it to say, in spite of all of the warm and happy words about progress and confidence over the last several months, there has been and is none of either, and Brussels is buying neither Britain’s dead-letter Brexit plan nor its tough-guy act. On the face of it, negotiators are advancing toward an agreement that must be settled, drafted and ratified befor...

Gary Cohn Publicly Embraces The #DraftDimon Movement While Simultaneously Demonstrating Why He’s Not Invited

Former Goldman Sachs president, senior White House economic advisor and future cannabis fund manager Gary Cohn gave a lengthy interview to Reuters yesterday and, whoa Nelly, did he “go there” on a plethora of hot topics… Gary Cohn, the former economic adviser to U.S. President Donald Trump, gave a ringing endorsement of Wall Street bankers on Monday, arguing that borrowers were just as responsible for the 2007-2009 financial crisis as lenders and ridiculing rules intended to make the system stronger in its aftermath. Oh, that’s just the outline. Here’s the color… Defending his fellow bankers, who are often blamed for causing and worsening the crisis, Cohn said borrowers played a hand in their financial disasters as well.“Who broke the law? I just want to know who you think broke the law,” ...

Elon Musk Hopes To Distract From His Problems By Having People Pay Him To Elaborately Murder Them In Space

As the old saying goes; If high-speed vacuum tunnels, space rockets, funny hats, solar panels, Thai kids trapped in a cave, flamethrowers and getting high on a podcast don’t get people to stop talking about how you forgot to build a car company inside your car company, there’s only one thing left to try… Elon Musk and his rocket company, SpaceX, have revealed who will fly their spaceship around the moon for the first time: a Japanese entrepreneur named Yusaku Maezawa. Since you all can’t stop being so negative about Tesla, Elon Musk is going to kill a man in space. And not just anyone, a painfully hip Japanese fashion billionaire who’s paying for the privilege… Maezawa was a skateboarder and drummer in his youth, and founded the fashion label Zozo 20 years ago.Maezawa announced on Monday t...

Wanna Guess How We Know That The Trade War With China Is On?

Every grifter has a tell, and the minor league con man sitting in the Oval Office has one of the simplest tells of all: Homeboy will do anything to protect the Dow Jones Industrial Average. President Donald Trump said he’ll make an announcement on China trade after U.S. financial markets close Monday. But knowing that with such confidence is a double-edged sword, because if we factor in that he also doesn’t know how tariffs work, we now know that this trade war with China is on like Donkey Kong… “Right after close of business, we’ll be announcing something,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “And it will be a lot of money coming into the coffers of the United States of America. A lot of money coming in.” You tried, Larry Kudlow, we know you tried. Trump Says China Trade Announcement...

New San Francisco Fed President Probably Should Have Been New N.Y. Fed President

(@marydalyecon) When the New York Fed reached across the continent to grab San Francisco Fed President John Williams as its new leader, there was a fair amount of carping. In part, this was because some people think—in spite of outward appearances to the contrary—that he wasn’t very good at his job and thus didn’t deserve a promotion. But mostly, it had to do with appearance, full stop. “The New York Fed has never had a woman or a person of color at its helm, and the Federal Reserve Bank only just last year added its first black regional bank president,” Booker wrote in a Bloomberg View column. “If we’re serious about creating an inclusive and sustainable economy, no one should be left on the sidelines….” Williams was inserted into the search process late in the game and over and above qua...

Sleep Where Steve Mnuchin Hath Slept

Steve Mnuchin is selling a home, and it’s not one of the ones he illegally foreclosed upon or the one with the horseshit stain on the porch. The Treasury Secretary is asking $32.5 million for a duplex at 740 Park that’s been in his family for a half-century, and if you’re the buyer, we wish you luck on your mental gymnastics trying not to imagine the dissociative face of Louise Linton during long, sleepless nights on her marital bed—at least before she discovered true love late last year—in one of the residence’s five bedrooms. While the unit has been in Mr. Mnuchin’s family since the 1960s, Mr. Mnuchin hasn’t been treating it as his primary home, according to people with knowledge of his situation. Mr. Mnuchin was based primarily in California before he assumed his role with President Don...

With One Tweet, Trump Justifies Jamie Dimon’s Year-Long Crusade Of Unsubtle Trolling

Yesterday was a pretty embarrassing day for Jamie Dimon…is something you would think if you believe that Jamie Dimon is prone to frothy, politically-charged outbursts while talking into a hot mic at a JPMorgan corporate event. But maybe you’re the kind of person who tends to believe that a man who has maintained his CEO role at a multi-trillion dollar global financial services behemoth for 13 years, steered said megabank through the 2008 crisis, and become the unofficial face of Wall Street is also the kind of guy who takes real care in his messaging and has a communications team capable of strategizing a “moment” inside a larger narrative. And if your thinking is more along those lines, you might see this tweet as the ideal outcome of Dimon’s “embarrassing” day: The problem with banker Ja...

Howd’ya Like Dis Apple, Guv’na?!

By Dschwen (English Wikipedia) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons In the spirit of full disclosure and radical transparency, we’ll admit that we were sort of looking forward to the Armageddon due to descend upon London’s financial industry in the wake of Brexit. It’s not that we don’t like London—we do! And were really looking forward to being able to afford to go there more often. It’s just that we believe that stupidity should be punished. So we’ll admit that we’re a bit disappointed that that the U.K.’s comeuppance has been slow in coming, perhaps because the local alternatives are worse. And slow it has been, much like the Brexit negotiations. But: Coming it also is, much like the Brexit disaster. New York has overtaken London as the world’s most attractive financial center,...