markets

Baby’s First Bankruptcy: RobinHood Users Are Suddenly For Crazy Sears Stock

Well, this is fucking adorable. According to RobinTrack.net, a site specializing in trends on everyone’s favorite Millennial trading app RobinHood, all the most annoying young capitalists you know are experimenting with their first bankruptcy. Interest in SHLD is up about 7.5% on RobinHood today, with all the kids looking at the slowest-moving car crash in American financial history, unraveling the gothically tangled web that CEO Eddie Lampert has woven around the company via his own hedge fund, bought into the notion that it can be chopped up and bled for a few more shekels, and then clicked “buy” on their smartphones. Look: Now, we’re not that clued-in to what Sears Holdings is thinking here, and we’re just a bunch of middle-aged hacks without online trading accounts who see finance as g...

Inside Hedge Funders With @CreditNegative: Crash Is King

I CAREFULLY HOIST A LASAGNA INTO THE LOWER PORTION OF MY LEOPARD PRINT SNUGGIE (MY SUBORDINATES HAVE REFUSED TO DO BOTH MY DISHES AND LAUNDRY FOR SEVERAL YEARS) AND GINGERLY TROT TO MY WORKSTATION, WHERE I REST THE ITALIAN DISH ON MY BEEFY QUADRICEPS. I BEGIN WRITING MY LETTER TO MY JAMAICAN INVESTORS, WHO BE VERY CONCERNED WITH ME Q3 UNDERPERFORMANCE. “YOU GON’ DONE BE VERY PATIENT WITH YOUR CAPITAL NOW, IT IS NOT THE TIME TO STOP JAMMIN’ WITH ME.” I EXPERTLY EXPLAIN THAT THE CHINESE, WHO ARE DEVELOPING A FINAL SOLUTION TO HALTING DISGUSTING WESTERN CAPITALISM IN THEIR COUNTRY (“CRAZY RICH ASIANS”, A BRILLIANT PROPAGANDA FILM), ARE OUT TO GET ME, AND THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PROTECT THEIR CAPITAL FROM A DEVASTATING BLITZKRIEG OF NEGATIVE ALPHA. “YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY 888 CLIENT BASE ...

Nouriel Roubini Seems Undecided On Cryptocurrencies

Oh, Nouriel Roubini is weighing in on cryptos while the markets burn? 99% of crypto land is one shitcoin traded for another shitcoin. And the average shitcoin lost 90% or more of its value in the last year. So Crypto Land is Crap Land, a cesspool of lunatics with severe Freudian scatological obsessions that swim 24/7 in their own stinking shit. — Nouriel Roubini (@Nouriel) October 11, 2018 Tee hee, he said pool.

Larry Kudlow Explains To CNBC That Trump’s Comments On The Fed Are Totally Fine If You Just Ignore Them Like Larry Does

Since he took over the reins from Gary Cohn last year, Leisure Suit Larry Kudlow has done an objectively tremendous job of selling the Trump administration’s economic policies to an often incredulous financial press. Kuddles has excelled in the role for a few reasons, but none more potent than his sheer Kudlowness: the innate nasally smooth operator mien that makes it as easy for Larry to sell tariffs to Bloomberg TV as it is for him to sell his book on markets to the pretty young waitress at The Polo Bar. And Larry supercharges his superpower by doing the one thing that Gary Cohn never figured out how to do: Fully ignoring the words of Donald Trump. Kudlow has been brilliant going on TV after some batshit Trumpian outburst and charmingly smirking that everyone is getting carried away by w...

Bathed In The Red Glow Of Market Panic, Jim Cramer Calls Out For Aunt Janet

Who of us, in our darkest moments of the soul, does not yearn for the gentle embrace of a maternal presence that can assuage our fear and calm our soul? Not Jim Cramer, who saw this: And then felt this…out loud…on TV: “I really miss Janet Yellen. I miss her because what she would do is say, ‘you know I need more inputs. I’ll look at the market, it’s down 500 points. Maybe we should make some calls,’” he said.“She was a student. She wasn’t a teacher. She was a student and she learned from people,” he said. We miss her too, Jimmy…we miss her too.

Wanna Guess How We Know That The Trade War With China Is On?

Every grifter has a tell, and the minor league con man sitting in the Oval Office has one of the simplest tells of all: Homeboy will do anything to protect the Dow Jones Industrial Average. President Donald Trump said he’ll make an announcement on China trade after U.S. financial markets close Monday. But knowing that with such confidence is a double-edged sword, because if we factor in that he also doesn’t know how tariffs work, we now know that this trade war with China is on like Donkey Kong… “Right after close of business, we’ll be announcing something,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “And it will be a lot of money coming into the coffers of the United States of America. A lot of money coming in.” You tried, Larry Kudlow, we know you tried. Trump Says China Trade Announcement...

Opening Bell 06.05.2018

Tech stocks at record high as FAANGs and BATTS bite [Reuters] MSCI’s global tech index .dMIWO0IT00PUS scored the milestone as the FAANGs — Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix and Google — looked set to drive the technology-heavy Nasdaq NQc1 to fresh highs when New Tork reopens shortly. The upbeat mood had raised Asia’s big BATTS — Baidu, Alibaba, Tencent, Taiwan Semiconductor, Samsung — with Alibaba notching a new high and Baidu surging 5 percent in its best day in more than a month. [.SS] U.S. Asks OPEC for 1 Million Barrel a Day Oil Output Hike [Bloomberg] The rare request came after U.S. retail gasoline prices surged to their highest in more than three years and President Donald Trump publicly complained about OPEC policy and rising oil prices on Twitter. It also follows Washington’s decis...

So Does This Whole Trade-War, Employment Tweet Thing Happen Often?

As a lowly intern, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t really know much about what is going on. So, can someone tell me if this normal? On one hand, all signs point to the fact that the U.S. is actively involved in a trade way. On the other hand, I have fashion guru Larry Kudlow telling me we’re just involved in a trade “family disagreement“, but it really feels like one of those disagreements where Dad is gonna tell Mom he shouldn’t have bought her that jewelry, and she’ll reply by telling him that he’s a failure and underachieved despite his family history of success. Then they’ll do that thing where he sleeps on the couch and eventually goes to a hotel for a few days. I know these kinds of disagreements are more normal in most households. Or at least I think so? Please don’t get a d...

The Real Reasons Why Millennials Are Investing Less

Traditionally, the stock market has been a relatively good way for young professionals to earn money over time, but according to a recent Gallup poll, people under the age of 35 are investing less. A decade after stockholders lost trillions of dollars in the crash of 2008, younger Americans are still leery of investing their money in stocks. Though the stock market has climbed far above pre-crash levels, the combined percentage of adults younger than 35 with money in the stock market in 2017 and 2018 stands at 37%, down from 52% for people in that age range in the two years (2006-07) leading up to the crash. Lack of faith in the markets, a shaky administration, and general market volatility may be to blame here. As Dealbreaker’s resident millennial, most of my time is spent explaining meme...

Dick’s Stock Price Appears to be a Grower and Shower

In the wake of the Parkland, FL high school shooting back in February, Dick’s Sporting Goods made to tighten their policies on gun purchases by raising the minimum age of purchase from 18 to 21. Some conservative commentators saw this as Dick’s conceding to the left and working to strip away constitutional rights. Dicks even lost membership to sporting associations. Earlier this month, Dick’s was expelled from membership in the National Shooting Sports Foundation due to “conduct detrimental to the best interests” of the firearms trade association. Despite the negative reaction from many gun enthusiasts, most logical people said, “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Thanks for doing the right thing.” Regardless of what political commentators on either side of the aisle thought about the move...

Analyst: Shake Shack Is Doing Well For Itself, But Maybe Just A Little Too Well…Like Seriously, It’s Just Burgers

By m01229 from USA (Shake Shack burger and fries) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons Don’t look now but Shake Shack has been one of the hottest stocks of early 2019, growing 32.72% since the beginning of the year. What’s not to love about Shake Shack? It’s to Steak & Shake what Chik-Fil-A is to KFC, but without the intrinsic homophobia. So it makes you wonder: is Shake Shack doing a little too well for itself? After all, it’s not In N’ Out. Longbow Research suggests that prospective Shake Shack Investors wait till the stock takes a little dip before they buy any shares in the hot stock. Specifically, they downgraded their target purchase price from $54 to $49 after Shake Shack’s stock price eclipsed their original target price. Longbow still remains opportunistic about a potential decl...

Will Friday’s Economic Data Tempt Jerome Powell To Accidentally Hike Us Into A Recession? Definitely! Maybe! ‘At The Margin’.

Is the Fed going to hike the U.S. economy right off the cliff into a recession? Yes, definitely! Or if not “definitely”, then at least “maybe”. Or if not “maybe”, then today’s econ data at least “pushes us in that direction at the margin”, according to JPMorgan’s Michael Feroli. I’m just kidding. I mean, I’m not really kidding, but that’s an overly sarcastic read on the situation which I think is appropriate because it’s Friday after all, and if you can’t appreciate some Fed sarcasm on a Friday, well then what is a good day for it? Feroli wasn’t actually referring to the Fed overshooting on the way to murdering the cycle. Rather, he was simply noting that the prospect of Powell and co. delivering a total of four hikes this year instead of three rose on Friday, after the advance read on Q1 ...