Cryptocurrencies

‘One Of The Greatest Houses In New York’ Available For 2,500 Units Of One Of The Worst Currencies On Earth

(Google Maps) Do you have $15.9 million worth of fake currency that used to be $49 million worth of fake currency? Would you like to turn that into something tangible before it becomes $8.75 million worth of fake currency? Or less? Maybe something nice and solid like 10,720 square feet on Riverside Drive? “One of the greatest houses in New York,” if you’re interested in its seller’s opinion? If so, get in touch with Roy Niederhoffer right away. The hedge fund manager is eager to turn his $12.9 million investment into something less than that. “I’m a big believer in Bitcoin,” he says. “I really am so bullish on it, and I want to own more of it.” Were someone to pay in the cryptocurrency, Niederhoffer says, he would simply cover his share of the closing costs in hard currency. “Whatever the ...

Steve Cohen Not Crypto Enough For Local Luddite

By AntanaCoins (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons Steve Cohen is trying, you guys. Trying to figure out these cryptocurrencies that were all the rage nine months ago. Trying to glean how to make money on them. Even trying to give other people a shot thereat. But the Big Guy is old school and it works for him. That means anyone who wants to join the revolution, or at least make (or lose!) a ton of money on it, is going to have to do so somewhere other than 72 Cummings Point Road. And that place is where dreamers and charlatans have flocked for a hundred years: Lipstick City, baby! That’s where ex-Point72er Travis Kling is heading to make his bitcoin billions. And his timing couldn’t be better, having quit at the top of the market back in December and planning to launch his Iki...

Hedge Fund’s ‘Regulated Crypto’ Claim Becomes Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

By Mike Cauldwell (https://www.casascius.com/photos.aspx) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons Last year, something called the “Crypto Asset Fund” began offering its services to investors, which services included putting their money to work in the “first regulated crypto asset fund in the United States.” This pitch attracted $3.6 million in real money to be invested in fake money, which admittedly seemed like a better idea at the time—specifically, between August and December, before the words “worse than the dot-com crash” could be applied to cryptocurrencies—especially given CAF’s assurance that it had filed a registration statement with the” SEC. Except, of course, it hadn’t. And was not only not the “first regulated crypto asset fund in the United States” but was, like the crypto mar...

Bitcoin Bleeds Value As Investors Notice Nobody Uses It

The price of bitcoin has fallen more than $100, or 10%, since Wednesday, leading a sharp drop in the value of cryptocurrencies like ether and ripple as well. The reasons given so far by analysts to explain the collapse are the recent rejection by the SEC of yet another proposal to create a bitcoin ETF, and a news report stating that Goldman Sachs is shelving a plan to launch a cryptocurrency trading desk. That these are the reasons offered for a more than 10% decline in an asset like bitcoin may be more frightening to investors than the decline itself, because they indicate that we still haven’t reached a place where the value of bitcoin is based on something other than estimates of speculative interest down the road. Let’s say, for instance, that the SEC does eventually approve a bitcoin ...

One Day, This Beautiful Music Video Will Be The Only Evidence That Cryptocurrencies Ever Existed

We’re not prone to hyperbole here at dealbreaker dot com, so believe us when we say with total sincerity that we have found the purest and most hypnotically fascinating piece of cryptocurrency-inspired art that will ever exist. We haven’t been this captivated by new music since DJ D-Sol gifted us with his first single lo those many weeks ago. In what we can only describe as a somnambulatory flow, the genius behind this piece lays out the greatest case we have ever heard for trading cryptos; throwing out finance jargon and acting like its an act of rebellion. The SoCal sunlight inflects his greedy nihilist optimism in a way that reminds us of early Disney, and we found ourselves charmed to the core by a man bragging about his crypto wealth cruising the Los Angeles streets on a scooter and a...

Jose Canseco Needs A Lawyer For An ICO That Merges Celebrity Crypto With Unwanted Hugs

Photo: Getty Images Some people might look at the zeitgeist right now and think that the only thing less appealing than a celebrity ICO is a male celebrity offering to hug people. And practically no one would see value in combining the most mocked thing in finance with a twist that seems to flaunt its opposition to the #MeToo movement. But then again, most people are not Jose Canseco. That’s right, you jabronis, everyone’s favorite steroid-using market genius not named Nassim Nicholas Taleb is getting in on the crypto craze at exactly the right time! You know, like he did with gold. From the Twitters: Cansecoin is launched! If u are a good ICO lawyer please get a hold of me . — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 19, 2018 That sound you hear is the entire American legal community unplugging th...

Jack Dorsey Keeps Repping Bitcoin Like It’s 2013

Bitcoin may have fallen 60% from its December highs, but the cryptocurrency industry has never been stronger, as venture capitalists continue to pour money into blockchain companies and sponsor countless conferences where speakers foretell of the coming crypto revolution.   The most prominent booster of blockchain to emerge in the months since bitcoin’s dramatic collapse is Jack Dorsey, the pseudo-philosophic CEO of Twitter and Square. His argument of late is that bitcoin is going to be the currency of the future, telling the Consensus Blockchain Conference in New York Wednesday that “the Internet needs a native currency, and I hope it’s bitcoin.” He was even more bullish in an interview with the U.K. publication The TImes, saying he thought bitcoin would surpass the dollar as the world’s ...

JPMorgan Places Child In Charge Of Childish Cryptocurrencies

To hear him tell it, Jamie Dimon doesn’t get bitcoin or the cryptocurrency craze it spawned. He thinks it’s a doomed fraud, the trading of which is a firing offense. Frankly, he’s not even all that interested in cryptos, because they are quite frankly uninteresting and also unimportant. His bank doesn’t know what to make of them. But as always, the next president of the United States knows more than he’s letting on. Now that JPMorgan’s being forced into the crypto game, Dimon needs a point person to handle it. And who better to do so than an actual child, a 29-year-old with all of four years of Wall Street experience. You know, the kind of person who actually understands the kind of people who trade in bitcoin. It’s a masterstroke. The US bank has just moved Oliver Harris, the head of an i...

Coinbase To Unite Two Scorned Corners Of The Financial Market

By Mike Cauldwell (https://www.casascius.com/photos.aspx) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons There are few things in finance as feared and reviled and misunderstood as high-speed trading. Cryptocurrencies are one of them, even if Michael Lewis hasn’t written a book about them yet. (Stay tuned: One of his muses has weighed in on the topic.) Until now, however, there hasn’t been a way to really piss off the Wall Street dads by combining the two, which is to say trading the highly volatile non-existent non-currencies really, really fast. However, if you load your servers into the trunk and drive them to an office in San Francisco, your dreams of sticking it to the man thusly can be realized. San Francisco-based Coinbase plans to introduce “low-latency performance,” the company said in a b...

If Consensus Conference Wanted To Prove How Dope Crypto Is, They Might Have Gone With 2 Chainz Over Snoop For ‘Secret’ Afterparty

“What the hell is wrong with you people?” …is a question I find myself asking every, single time I read an article about Bitcoin, blockchain and/or cryptocurrencies in 2018. You’d think Bitcoin’s ~60% plunge from the absurd December highs at $20,000 would have made it abundantly clear to everyone that the easy money in this global farce has already been made, unlessin’ you’re lookin’ to pioneer your own ICO scam. But as noted on Friday evening, when I took a rather critical look at Xapo’s Pete Najarian-assisted efforts to convince institutional investors to bury their Bitcoin in a literal mountain vault complete with pulse-sensing fingerprint scanners (you know, to make sure spies can’t cut off your arm and use your detached hand to access underground cold storage facilities), there’s stil...

Are You An Institutional Investor Who’s Worried That Someone Will Chop Off Your Hand And Use It To Access The Bitcoin Keys You’re Storing In The Side Of A Mountain? Pete Najarian Can Help!

Kaecilius: How long have you been at Kamar-Taj, Mister… Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor! Kaecilius: Mr. Doctor? Dr. Stephen Strange: It’s Strange. Kaecilius: Maybe. Who am I to judge? I was reminded of that classic exchange from Dr. Strange on Friday when, amid a painful lull in the normally manic news cycle, I ran across this headline from Bloomberg: BITCOIN SEEN HITTING $36,000 BY END OF 2019: DOCTOR Upon further inspection, that’s a reference to Fundstrat’s Sam Doctor who, in keeping with the over-the-top bullish Bitcoin bias of the firm he works for, was out with a note that purports to make the case for Bitcoin roughly quadrupling from where it was trading earlier this week. Here’s the actual “rationale” for anyone interested in driving themselves crazy: Hilariously, Bitcoin plunged some ...

John McAfee Invites Jamie Dimon To Learn About His Impotent, Blockchain-Powered, Bangkok Hooker-Filled Future

Hey, you guys want to see John McAfee invite Jamie Dimon to a Blockchain conference in Atlantic City by not-so-vaguely threatening him that he better understand the Blockchain before it takes away all of his notional cultural power and leaves him only a wealthy crypto baron waited upon by Thai prostitutes who are now his hierarchical equal…or something? Of course you do! I tell JP Morgan the truth. And make Jamie Dimon an offer that no man with an IQ above 12 could refuse. From a video that will be shown at the World Blockchain Conference in Atlantic City on July 12 of this year. I will be keynoting. https://t.co/ObPAmVOhG4 pic.twitter.com/JWqR0hok8v — John McAfee (@officialmcafee) May 4, 2018 We love this video. McAfee is always a fun person to watch [much in the same way it’s fun to watc...

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