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Jeff Bezos Wants To Send Amazon Prime To Your Home…The One He Owns The Mortgage On

Jeff Bezos Wants To Send Amazon Prime To Your Home…The One He Owns The Mortgage On

At this point, Amazon’s world domination plans have become something of a standing joke, the only problem being that with every new industry the company steps into, there are by definition fewer people laughing.

Bad shit is always funny until it happens to you and there’s a creeping suspicion in corporate board rooms across the country that no industry is safe from deflationary supernova (and man whose female alter ego is now giggling at you at random times for no reason) Jeff Bezos.

Headed into 2018, there wasn’t much Jeff couldn’t sell you. And although his designs on taking over the pharmacy business are still in the early stages, it probably won’t be long before he’s a licensed drug dealer which, when you take into account Prime Air,  means you’ll soon be able to ask Alexa if she can have a drone air drop a basket full of used paperbacks, Vicodin, and Whole Foods avocados into your front yard.

And look, if you don’t have a front yard that’s ok, because guess what? Jeff reportedly has designs on helping you get one.

According to HousingWire’s Jacob Gaffney, Amazon is getting into the mortgage lending business. Here’s what Gaffney reported on Thursday:

We’ve received information that Amazon is currently looking to hire someone to lead their newly-formed mortgage lending division.

Due to non-disclosure agreements, we probably shouldn’t reveal their identities. After all, with Amazon planning a move into mortgage lending, it’s best we work with them and not against them.

Am I right?

Yes, you are right Jacob. But really, it’s not a matter of “with” or “against” when it comes to Amazon. You are either “working with them” or you are out of business. There is no “against.”

As far as where Amazon is doing their recruiting, Gaffney would say “only” this:

If you look at the top 10 HMDA lenders and pick out the nonbanks, that’s where Amazon is recruiting their talent.

He also claimed to have spoken to someone who “turned down” a job in Jeff’s new mortgage lending operation. That person “wouldn’t say why.”

Who knows, maybe the reason was: “I’m still CEO of Goldman Sachs, but keep my resume on hand, I might be leaving soon.”

Or perhaps it was: “I’m currently in the ‘stable genius advisory’ business, but I think I’ll be resigning in the coming days, so I’ll get back to you.”

Whatever the case, this seems like a logical outgrowth of Jeff’s push into the banking business.

And hell, now that he’s doing the health care thing with uncle Warren, I guess that means Jeff can get you a good deal on some on Geico homeowner’s insurance for the house he just sold you.

That way, if one of his drones crashes through your roof trying to drop off those avocados and Vicodin, you can just call him to fix it.

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